Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month: Making Space for Grief, Love, and Remembrance
Written by: Virginia Kuhn, LPC
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, with Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day observed on October 15. For some families, these dates offer a chance to speak a baby's name, share a story, or feel less alone. For others, the reminders may be painful. There is no right way to participate—or any obligation to participate at all.
Pregnancy and infant loss can include miscarriage, stillbirth, the death of a newborn or infant, and other experiences that families understand as a loss. It may happen before anyone else knew about the pregnancy or after months of imagining life with a child. The length of a pregnancy or a baby's life does not determine the depth of someone's grief.
Grief does not follow a schedule
After a loss, a person may feel sadness, anger, numbness, guilt, confusion, or a mix of emotions that changes from day to day. A partner may grieve differently. Someone may want to talk often about their baby, while someone else needs privacy. Neither response measures how much they loved or hoped for that child.
Grief can also return unexpectedly: at a due date, a birthday, a holiday, a medical appointment, or during a later pregnancy. Seeing another person's pregnancy announcement or hearing an innocent question about children can be hard. It is possible to feel joy for others and pain for yourself at the same time.
Many people search for an explanation or replay what they could have done differently. If that is happening to you, you deserve compassionate, individualized answers from your medical team and support with the weight of those questions. You do not have to sort through them alone.
What support can look like
Friends and family often worry about saying the wrong thing. A simple acknowledgment can mean more than a perfect phrase: “I'm so sorry. I'm here with you.” If the family has shared their baby's name, you can ask whether they would like you to use it. Let them lead. Avoid trying to find a silver lining or suggesting that another pregnancy will replace this loss.
Practical help matters, too. You might offer a meal, help with errands, or remember an important date and check in again later. Support should continue after the first few weeks, when others may have moved on but the family is still living with the loss.
For those grieving, remembrance may mean lighting a candle, keeping a photograph or memento, writing a letter, gathering with loved ones, or doing nothing publicly. All of these choices are valid. Privacy can be a form of care, too.
When therapy may help
Therapy cannot take away the significance of a loss. It can offer space to grieve without pressure to “move on,” navigate changes in relationships or identity, and make sense of anxiety, difficult memories, or fears about a future pregnancy. Some people seek support soon after a loss; others reach out months or years later. Both are welcome.
At Bloom & Breathe Therapy, we recognize that pregnancy and infant loss can affect each person and family differently. We offer compassionate care for perinatal mental health, grief, anxiety, and trauma, and we can work with you at a pace that respects your experience.
This October, we remember the pregnancies and babies whose lives and hoped-for futures matter deeply to their families. If you are grieving, your loss deserves to be acknowledged, and you deserve support in whatever form feels right for you.